Lets say you were a drug addict. Drugs are a very important part of your life. Almost life-consuming. You put a lot of time into drugs. Drugs was a priority over just about everything else in your life. You thought drugs were good at first. But then drugs turned into a negative aspect of your life, but still a VERY BIG part of your life. How about one day, you made the decision to stop doing drugs because you finally came to terms with the fact that drugs are bad. Drugs made you act and feel like you weren't yourself but a deranged-monster version of yourself. But like, even though drugs are bad, and you know its better if you stopped the drugs, you are still dependant on them. Therefore, you dont know what to do and you feel lost and confused. Thats probably the worst feeling ever. Feeling lost and hopeless. But you know you have to go on. And you know that someday, something better will come along in your life to replace the drugs. You know that for a fact. But at the same time, you dont feel like you cant trust anything anymore. Drugs made you feel even more paranoid about trust than you were before. And even tho you know how bad drugs are for you, you cant help but love drugs because you know, they made you feel great for a while but in the long run, made you feel like shit. So you're kind of torn. Especially because you think you're going to turn to drugs again in the future because youre not strong enough to go on without them and you know its a bad idea. And its hard to get off drugs because everyone around you is on them and being the only one without drugs is hard. really hard. especially the first couple of weeks without drugs because you had plans to do a lot of drugs. you really wanted to drugs this weekend too but realized that maybe drugs didnt wanna do you! haha sry i thought that last thing was funny... ok this is starting to not make sense to me. this wont make sense to anyone but me, hopefully lol. Well.. drugs never really benefitted you at all. Sucks realizing that. And its really very hard to give up drugs..
i'm thinking of either deleting this journal or making it friends only.
ok, i have the next 3 days off. yay! tuesday will be real fun cuz i think im meeting up with shannon in the city. i miss her =( we gonna have mad fun! midterms tho... =( oh and tomorrow=college interview for syracuse for interior design. fun fun... oh and my 80 year old female neighbor is shovelling outside. wtf?? my hair looks gorgeous rite now and i dont know why. but i love it.